So I'm here at the hotel, its around ten pm, and you'll never guess who is sitting right in front of me: Ashley Sterrett's parents, here visiting a guest in the hotel.
Yeah, the same Ashley I left for Amanda last spring. And I'm sitting here ashamed of myself. Not as much ashamed for leaving Ashley as much as how I did it.
Quick refresher -- I left her after seeing Amanda for a little bit before I left her. She had no idea it was going on, and I broke up with her over the phone, and cold turkey too. No text messages, no phone calls... I even left a $100 Penguins jersey at her place, knowing it was there.
When Amanda broke up with her ex, she kept talking to him once in a while for a month because her conscience couldn't let herself do what I did to Ashley.
So fast forward...I'm sitting here totally embarrassed of myself, and for the first few minutes I'm sitting here extending a two minute phone call into a ten minute call. Her dad keeps looking up at me and I try my best to look away, praying they'll leave before I get off the phone.
Within a few minutes, a guest comes down and asks for some coffee to be made, which requires me to walk right past the little group that has extended their legs at the couch and chairs near the front desk. Suddenly...
Father: Hey champ, how you been?
Me: Uh, doing fine, funny seeing you here, I guess.
Father: How've you been?
Me: As good as you can do on a busy Saturday.
He then extended his hand and shook mine. I had so many questions: How's Cody? How's Ashley? I heard she was dating someone she is really happy with...
But before I could ask, he gave me a big smile. Was it a knowing smile? Who knows...but I felt something I'd never felt before right there...unneeded shame. Here I am, almost thirty, and I'm worried about a confrontation that most likely wasn't going to happen! Now other than that initial little greeting, they've continued their conversation and have said nothing to me since then.
I thought back to all those girls I broke up with in that same chicken way; Kyle, Vicki, Kim... and I thought it was the end of the world at the time, that my life was going to be forever haunted by their memories and, sure enough, I still talk to Kyle and Vicki online from time to time. We're still friends, albeit electronic, but we're still friends.
Its very strange, all of this.
I'm going to go back to standing here and trying hard not to be ashamed of myself. After all, its the most I can really do, now.
July 19, 2008
Volume 2, Issue 12
And So It Begins: I'm sorry I've been so lax on writing blogs lately; as you've noticed, I don't like to write sometimes. I've been spending alot of time just enjoying the outside, playing alot of guitar, writing and recording music, and, well, working morning shifts at the hotel.
The Ravine Flyer!!: 15 years ago, Waldameer starting chatting about replacing the old Peninsula Drive traversing wooden coaster from back in its early years (1920's/1930's) with a new updated coaster. Environmentalists and politicians blocked its progress for years, but owner Don Nelson pushed and pushed and never gave up on it...and now its finally here!!
Earlier in the week, Amanda and I finally had the chance go to Waldameer and experience the Ravine Flyer II, the biggest wooden coaster being built in the United States this year. And let me tell you, it is a rush. No joke, when I finally got off of it, I looked around and said to myself, is this real? Am I actually at Waldameer?! Two trips later, I was convinced this is one of the coolest coasters I've been on as well as one of the fastest. The thing rips through the air. Unreal how fast it goes!
The twenty dollar Ride pass was definitely worth it. Then of course, Amanda and I both almost got sick riding the Spider. Yeah, I don't want to talk about that.
The Songs Are Coming, The Songs Are Coming!: I've been recording and writing new songs all the time for a new CD full of some good material and a few covers. I know I keep writing about this, but its really already on the fire, just needs some new vocals laid down and a couple other surprises. Amanda will be singing on it too, once we get around to getting her silly self in 'studio' mode. :) I wrote a new song I'm very excited about, called "Put Your Hands On Me" that is very John Mayer/Stevie Ray Vaughan style, probably the closest to a gosh honest blues-rock song that I've ever done. Very proud of it.
Hotel Blues: It turns out that we will not be finding out the fate of our employments here at the ol' hotel until the very first day of the new ownership, which is a real bummer, but thats how it works, I suppose. Finally had that long talk with the boss about the second job, to which she was totally supportive of if thats what I felt I need to do to get by.
Then I find out that back at Sears, an old compatriot of mine, Kevin Pollock, got promoted to the Assistant General Manager, Home Improvement Division. I was told through an email I recieved a few hours ago....I'm trying not to be bitter about it, because Kevin is a decent guy and all, most likely deserves it, its just hard for me to swallow knowing that I knew that job inside and out and was passed over for a guy from Giant Eagle. Still hard to get over that.
Not that the hotel isn't doing its wonders on me, we have good days and not so good days, but I'm learning a lot of things, especially one big thing, patience. Each day my patience gets thicker and thicker, little by little. I know good things are on the horizon for me career wise, I just need to be more patient. I was always grabbing at Sears, always punching underwater, never getting as much as i "felt" that I deserved. I looked back and knew that I deserved that promotion; I may have not been totally ready for it, but I knew I deserved it more than some produce guy (who ended up quitting before my two week notice was out last fall).
Anyway, I'm happy where I am; ten years out of high school, I've had many things I thought I was going to be - a tech ed teacher, a convenience store manager, a radio DJ, a journalist, a music critic, a retail manager, a studio guitarist, a traveling hotel manager....
Now, I don't know where I'm going. Who knows where I'll be next year. But I do know that life is good right now...I have a steady group of friends who, although I might not be the closest with them as I wish I was, I know would still be there for me and I would be there for them. My family seems to get bigger and closer each and every day, and I have the greatest woman of my life to share it all with.
I'm just staying where the light is...
The Ravine Flyer!!: 15 years ago, Waldameer starting chatting about replacing the old Peninsula Drive traversing wooden coaster from back in its early years (1920's/1930's) with a new updated coaster. Environmentalists and politicians blocked its progress for years, but owner Don Nelson pushed and pushed and never gave up on it...and now its finally here!!
Earlier in the week, Amanda and I finally had the chance go to Waldameer and experience the Ravine Flyer II, the biggest wooden coaster being built in the United States this year. And let me tell you, it is a rush. No joke, when I finally got off of it, I looked around and said to myself, is this real? Am I actually at Waldameer?! Two trips later, I was convinced this is one of the coolest coasters I've been on as well as one of the fastest. The thing rips through the air. Unreal how fast it goes!
The twenty dollar Ride pass was definitely worth it. Then of course, Amanda and I both almost got sick riding the Spider. Yeah, I don't want to talk about that.
The Songs Are Coming, The Songs Are Coming!: I've been recording and writing new songs all the time for a new CD full of some good material and a few covers. I know I keep writing about this, but its really already on the fire, just needs some new vocals laid down and a couple other surprises. Amanda will be singing on it too, once we get around to getting her silly self in 'studio' mode. :) I wrote a new song I'm very excited about, called "Put Your Hands On Me" that is very John Mayer/Stevie Ray Vaughan style, probably the closest to a gosh honest blues-rock song that I've ever done. Very proud of it.
Hotel Blues: It turns out that we will not be finding out the fate of our employments here at the ol' hotel until the very first day of the new ownership, which is a real bummer, but thats how it works, I suppose. Finally had that long talk with the boss about the second job, to which she was totally supportive of if thats what I felt I need to do to get by.
Then I find out that back at Sears, an old compatriot of mine, Kevin Pollock, got promoted to the Assistant General Manager, Home Improvement Division. I was told through an email I recieved a few hours ago....I'm trying not to be bitter about it, because Kevin is a decent guy and all, most likely deserves it, its just hard for me to swallow knowing that I knew that job inside and out and was passed over for a guy from Giant Eagle. Still hard to get over that.
Not that the hotel isn't doing its wonders on me, we have good days and not so good days, but I'm learning a lot of things, especially one big thing, patience. Each day my patience gets thicker and thicker, little by little. I know good things are on the horizon for me career wise, I just need to be more patient. I was always grabbing at Sears, always punching underwater, never getting as much as i "felt" that I deserved. I looked back and knew that I deserved that promotion; I may have not been totally ready for it, but I knew I deserved it more than some produce guy (who ended up quitting before my two week notice was out last fall).
Anyway, I'm happy where I am; ten years out of high school, I've had many things I thought I was going to be - a tech ed teacher, a convenience store manager, a radio DJ, a journalist, a music critic, a retail manager, a studio guitarist, a traveling hotel manager....
Now, I don't know where I'm going. Who knows where I'll be next year. But I do know that life is good right now...I have a steady group of friends who, although I might not be the closest with them as I wish I was, I know would still be there for me and I would be there for them. My family seems to get bigger and closer each and every day, and I have the greatest woman of my life to share it all with.
I'm just staying where the light is...
photo of the day
"Yeah, your team might finally win a World Series for the first time in a hundred years, but MY team is gonna...hey, are you paying attention?"
July 10, 2008
Volume 2, Issue 10
"There is a paradox in pride: it makes some men ridiculous, but prevents others from becoming so." Charles Caleb Colton
Getting Ridiculous: Decided yesterday I'd do some laundry, since its been about a week or so since I took care of it. Balled some up around noon, headed downstairs, threw it in the washer. Went down to check it out and to put some more in about a half hour later...and I realized I didn't put soap in the load. So I ran it again, with soap this time. Once its finished, I took it and put it in the dryer and went for a bike ride.
Came back, went downstairs, and the dryer is in the same spot it was before. Clothes still wet. I realized that now that the air conditioning works, its got the same problem we'd been having all the time we've been here: the furnace is on the same breaker as the dryer. So when you have the furnace/ac on, it trips the breaker...and you have to shut off the offending heating and or cooling system JUST to dry your clothes.
I flipped the breaker, turned on the dryer, headed up the stairs back to the apartment, flipped off the AC. Went back down forty minutes later, and still wet. I forgot to flip off the AC first. Christ! So I run back downstairs, flip the breaker again, turn on the dryer.
Went downstairs a third time now to check this laundry, and for some reason, it STILL isn't working. It works for the ten seconds or so that I'm downstairs, so what the hell gives?
DOES ANYONE KNOW AN ELECTRICIAN!?!?!
Karaoke, Pt. 2: Went out again last night to the karaoke bar with Amanda and her friend Lori; enjoyed it as usual. We played darts for a couple games (I really want a dartboard now!) and I won one of them, yay! Didn't expect me to be that good. After a while Amanda wanted to sing a song again, but I always like singing with her. She picked "Proud Mary" by Ike and Tina Turner (you know, the fast version) and I hadn't really heard much of that song before but I figured I'd give it a shot.
Karaoke, Pt. 2: Went out again last night to the karaoke bar with Amanda and her friend Lori; enjoyed it as usual. We played darts for a couple games (I really want a dartboard now!) and I won one of them, yay! Didn't expect me to be that good. After a while Amanda wanted to sing a song again, but I always like singing with her. She picked "Proud Mary" by Ike and Tina Turner (you know, the fast version) and I hadn't really heard much of that song before but I figured I'd give it a shot.
We got up on stage and started the song really slow together, and in the middle of the first verse I realized that there's no guy part it in other than the really low voice that goes "roooollllin' on a riiiiiverrrr" and I don't have a low voice so I was sort of screwed. But we made it through, we both forgot lyrics and things so we danced around like idiots, it was a good time.
Photo Of The Day
"Its easier for him to pee if we aren't looking at him."
July 09, 2008
July 08, 2008
Volume 2, Issue 9
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil,
but because of those who look on and do nothing." Albert Einstein
but because of those who look on and do nothing." Albert Einstein
Seven Years of Anger: I called my Dad this morning right after Amanda left for work and he offered to take me out to breakfast. We went to our favorite little restaurant, Lorie's Wildridge, out on route 20 (West 26th Street). We both saddled up to a cup of coffee and one of our normal waitresses, Beth, came up to us for our order. I ordered a short stack of pancakes, bacon, and homefries, and Dad ordered some sort of breakfast smile thing with eggs and toast, I dunno, wasn't paying attention.
What I was paying attention to was the blonde lady who was pouring coffee across the way. No, she was not attractive...she was an old boss of mine. "Say Beth, is that Lori Gadley?" Beth gave me this strange smile and said, "Why, yes it is...do you happen to know her?"
A few years ago, I was a shift manager at Country Fair in McKean. Actually, seven years ago, to be exact. And Lori was an Assistant Manager there. In the early spring, the Store Manager, Mark, who had been there for almost two years, decided it was time for him to move on, and they hired this lady, Terese, as the head of the store. At the time, Lori was going through a divorce and was a total bitch all of the time...never had time for your questions, had no patience for anyone.
For some reason, her and Terese hit it off really well...and over the next few months they forced out or fired all the male associates working there. I'm not kidding. One by one they either snapped or quit altogether. After only a few short months, I was only one of three guys working there, and long story short (long enough already), we finally had it one night and we pulled some shenanigans. The next day I was demoted (upon which I quickly quit) and the other two guys were fired.
So back to breakfast...I sat there in that booth with my dad and my blood was just boiling. I'm almost positive she had no idea who I was this morning, but still...isn't it amazing that after such a long time you can have such animosity to someone that hasn't been a part of your life for an extremely long time?
The Ol' Reliable Corner Gas: Amanda's car has never had proper air conditioning or heating while we've dated. We've never really been able to figure it out. The fan works on high, but the AC doesn't work at all. The heat worked through the fan but it only worked in super high gear. So while I was out with Dad, I questioned him about how to fix this. He, of course, only is a gearhead for pre-1990 vehicles (although he has performed admirably on my vehicles in the past, I love you dad :-D ), but he mentioned that he had a buddy who could take a look at it.
After breakfast, we went to the Sunoco station just east of Peninsula Drive. I honestly thought that it was some hole in the wall like the rest of the "stations" that litter the Erie landscape. Sure enough the guy comes out and he's like "Hey Freddy!" He took my car immediately in and called around for the part (which turned out to be a switch located deep in the heart of the dashboard). While we were waiting he shot the breeze with us, extremely nice guy who knows his stuff; his son was pretty cool too. Their owner (who they interrupted on his LUNCH BREAK to get the part!!!) returned with the switch, they installed the part and we were out of there (for a small fee, of course :-D) in no time.
Turns out they are one of (if not the oldest) family owned corporate sponsored gas stations left in Erie. I told the guy I didn't even think they actually sold gas anymore, but I will definitely stop back for gasoline (actually priced only two cents higher than the nearby Country Fair). Dad says that he actually gets better miles per gallon with the gas there. Its just nice to be able to go to a place that has decent people working there...who don't screw you in prices.
Boy, lots of parentheses there ... geez. Moving on...
The County Seat: Just so my Ferraro contingency is well aware, Amanda and I are planning on coming down to Ridgway on Saturday, July 26th. We will be bringing Townsend with us, and as far as plans go, my Mom will be going along with us. I'd like to have Amanda and Townsend meet all of you down that way while we're in the area. We also may be taking a trip to Kinzua Bridge and probably the Kinzua Dam on the way down. Any input on the visit would be greatly appreciated!!
Its been over a year I've been living with Amanda...finally might be time to bring her around to the clan!
PHOTO OF THE DAY
"Ugh... help? I think ... I'm ... broken."
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