Chinese Democracy Has Nothin' On Me

So I think I've come to the realization that I need to stop putting so much damn pressure on myself to record new music. I don't have a record deal. I don't even have people calling me ASKING for new music or anything. Amanda is very supportive; listens to me every time I change direction in my brain with my music. So thats great...I just wish I had the patience and time to get these songs right.   They sound so cool, I mean, I can't wait for all of you to hear "Put Your Hands On Me" like I intend it. I also have a pretty cool Beatles type chord progression going on that I have been working on. I intend on playing a little bit of blues guitar this next time...but then again, who knows.   One day I wanna be John Mayer, next day I wanna be the Stones, next day I wanna be the Greatful Dead, the next day I wanna be Eric Clapton, next day I want to be the first Tony Kellogg, next day is the day I have time off work and can do it and I end up putting it off because I listened to Hendrix and have myself convinced I can never be that good.   I need to realize that most of these people spend six months or more in the studio, most likely eight hours a day, perfecting these songs. I have a few hours each evening AFTER I've spent eight hours standing in one place (okay, more like six and half standing, one and a half running my butt off) and I just don't feel musical.   The first CD I ever made was "Coming Home" back in 2003, and I was sleeping five hours a night and addicted to the internet. I was dating Jessica but she wasn't living with me yet, so I had some time. The next CD I did was "Kelso Drive" in 2004; I recorded all nine songs over a three day weekend as a whim to have it done before Jess got back from some vacation she had in the Carolinas.   You can hear the sound qualities in those and you can tell they're just banged out.   "I'm Nobody Without Myself" I took about four months to finish; I recorded and re-recorded and threw tracks away and thought I was on the right track. The songs sound better but they are limited to the technology I had then which was basically a mic and a computer with a bad sound card. (I won't get too technical)   "The Kitchen Sessions" I finally finished in March or April (can't remember) of 2007 and the songs came out really well because they're mostly acoustic. But there's nothing poppy or catchy on them, so I really don't have much recollection of them.   So I've been trying to record new music here for almost a year and I just can't bring myself to really push into it. I've had a full time job this entire time I've recorded songs so its not work...I've had serious relationships almost the entire time as well. So what is it?   I wish I knew. I guess I keep bitching about it maybe I'll get going one of these days. I spent last afternoon recording "Hands" and I really got some good things out of it -- first off I realized that I am a pretty freakin good guitar player. I'm not the most technical person but I have a style all my own. I play blues how I like to. I play rock in my own little style. I'm not an over the top rock star soloist but I like to think that my solos have an emotional feel to them. I'm happy with my guitar. No problems there. I've been pretty happy with my solos for years.   But its my voice. I don't know what it is, but there is only about one day out of the week that I feel confident in my voice. I have the talent, I know when I'm singing out of tune, I know when its right on, and I know when I am barely hanging on. But for some reason, I'm missing that dynamic. My voice is like the guy who just goes to work, finishes his job, and goes home. Has nothing to offer except punching in and punching out. I know its there. I know it has potential.   Anyway, Axl Rose is finally releasing "Chinese Democracy" as a Guns N Roses CD on November 23...seventeen years after first starting it.   I kinda feel like its been that long for me. I know it hasn't, but thats how I work best--under pressure.   We'll see. Maybe I won't listen to Hendrix this time.